10 Tips for Caring for Your Best Friend With Anxiety

Writer Anaïs Nin described anxiety as "love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” It is complicated, confusing, and hard to deal with. If your loved ones or best friend has anxiety, you might feel like you can't do anything. Well, we're here to help. Here are 10 tips to keep in mind when you are caring for your best friend with anxiety. 

1) Let your friend know that they can talk to you. The fear of judgement can thwart any help, so this is an important first step. Continue to remind them you're always there to lend an ear and you're a judgement-free zone.

2) Keep in mind that there isn't always a solution. No amount of your advice, care, or help will fix what they're feeling. You're only support. That's okay.

3) They're not blowing you off. If you made plans and they flake or they keep turning down your offers to do stuff, it's not their fault. It’s hard to keep plans and just as hard to talk on the phone or text about why they can't make it.

4) Spend as much time with them as possible. The above doesn't mean you shouldn't try to make those plans. You're a big, big help, even if you don't realize it.

5) Be forgiving. Anxiety can change brain chemistry, changing your friend a little bit from the person you knew. Therefore, anxiety can make people more quick to irritation. It's not in their control, so try your best to be forgiving.

6) Try to see their boundaries from their perspective. If they aren't comfortable doing something, just let it go. Don’t try to convince them — it makes it worse.

7) A panic attack may not be what you think it is. It's not always hyperventilation, sobbing, or a "freak out." It could be small or not even noticeable, or it could look like anger or frustration. If they say they're having a problem, believe them and stay calm.

8) Don't bring up their anxiety all the time. While you want to be there to talk about it, some anxieties can be triggered by analyzing it. You may think you're being considerate or interested by asking "how are your panic attacks?" Your best friend could start to think about their panic attacks when they hadn't been, which could actually trigger a panic attack. Let them bring it up to you.

9) Be proud of them when they improve. Anxiety changes how a person sees themselves and think and can turn dispositions extremely negative. This colors a person's entire experience negatively, including your non-verbal and facial expressions. They could assume you're annoyed or ashamed of them. Declaring your positive emotions and your pride, being happy when you see recovery: that will brighten their day and give them the fuel to keep going forward.

10) Be patient. None of this is easy and both of you are doing your best. Be kind to yourselves as well as to each other.