Sex is one of the funnest activities on earth (with the right person of course). But, like with most things, there's a time and place. Some like it hot and heavy in the bedroom while others it prefer down and dirty in the bathroom.
With so many places, it would seem the world is your sexual playground. And in some ways, it is! The caveat comes in the form of these locales. In other words, DO NOT be caught smushing in these places...for your own sake.
1. On the sand at the beach
How can having sex on beach not be orgasmic? There's a freakin' drink named after the act itself. Yes, the idea seems sensually enticing. HOWEVER, sand in places the sun doesn't touch is NEVER fun. It's itchy and nearly impossible to clean out. Trust me.
2. Kim Kardashian's bedroom
For all you know, there's a camera rolling to catch you in the act. And even if there isn't, do you really want Kanye to write a rap about your p*ssy and booty?
3. Smart Car
Just because they're good for the environment doesn't mean they're good for lovemaking. The amount of flexibility required to do the nasty in the back of a teeny-tiny Smart Car is certainly not natural.
4. In the woods (directly on the ground)
Outdoor sex can be hot. Poison ivy is definitely not. Make sure you check that ground before you plop your derrière down on it.
5. Hammock
Cuddling on a hammock is great. F*cking on a hammock inevitably leads to one, or both, of you falling off. You'll be left with bumps and bruises without the fun of an aggressive orgasm.
6. Pool
Chlorine and vaginas don't mix. Too much chlorine can lead to a yeast infection. Too little chlorine can lead to microbes in the pool which can get up in there and leave you with an infection. If sex while wet is what you crave, you're better off hopping in the shower.
7. The balcony
I was all for this until I read about two teenagers falling from a balcony to their deaths. What were they doing on the balcony? Each other.
8. In a porta-potty at a music festival
There's sexy dirty and there's gross dirty. Porta-potty sex falls in the latter category. How can you get hard with that awful stench in your nose? What if one of you falls in? What if you get trapped inside? I don't have answers to these questions because I never have, and hopefully never will, have sex in one of those disgusting contraptions.
9. Graveyard
Since you're not having sex with the dead bodies, it's not technically necrophilia, but, why would you ever want to do it so close to dead bodies? I feel like this would anger the spirits, or maybe turn them on. Honestly, I don't want to find out.
10. In a fast food restroom
Some people are into having sex in public. But can't those people at least choose a classy spot? Like, why not have sex in a restroom at the Metropolitan Museum of Art? That is the stuff of legends. Fast food bathroom sex is just like the food served there - cheap, trashy, and quick.
11. In your parents' bed
I never understood this desire, nor will I. You know you may have been conceived there, right? The implication of doing it where those who made you do it is just...really really icky. Please don't.
