5 Mantras to Keep from Arguing
Sometimes a difficult conversation comes down to this: do you want to "win" the argument, or the relationship? But tensions can run high and the verbal tug-of-war continues, both of you willing participants, dragging your relationship into the dirt in the process. It takes two, and what if you could cut yourself out of the negativity and guide your relationship upstream? Here are some mantras that can help you connect with what matters most to you, diffusing your next argument before it really starts. Here we go:
1. Value this person more than being "right"
Is the thing you feel your blood boiling over really all that important?Sometimes we need a healthy dose of perspective.
2. A moment of silence in a moment of anger can save you a hundred more of regret.
Listen to what the other person says, and have pause before your reply.
3. Frustration can be justified in theory, but is it worthy of your happiness?
You may have a verifiably good reason to be upset. Someone lied. They didn't follow through. They showed you disrespect. But let's put the focus back on you. You're the one who feels these feelings. Does it serve you to react to another person's wrongs? Engage in a healthy disconnect from any negativity that isn't actually your own.
4. Communicate with a clear conscience
Is what you're about to say intended to hurt or help? Honestly, do you really care right now? If you get even a smidgen of guilt in what you're about to say, it's time to do this: nothing. Don't say it, and make it clear that you will resume the conversation when you're able to collect your thoughts without saying anything hurtful, that isn't true to how you feel.
5. Space allows things to fall into place
This approach is for the extra hot, uncomfortable yelling matches that simply don't need to be. If you want an answer, sometimes you're more likely to find it in silence, as opposed to the midst of an argument. Allow for some space and see how you feel, and what kind of thoughts naturally unfold in your solitude.
