4 Things To Do When You're Jealous In Your Relationship

Ahh jealousy, that infamous green eyed monster! At some point in time, we’ve all been there. 

Resisting the urge to dig through our man’s text messages. Talking ourselves in circles. Feeling kinda like Beyonce smashing windows of cars walking down the street… Jealousy is no fun. But let’s back it up for a minute and say that the goal is not to actually succumb to jealousy but to move past it. What do we do then? The answer is simple but not easy and it includes a healthy dose of self talk to keep ourselves in check. 

Want some actual tips to stop jealousy from sabotaging your relationship? We connected with Jenny Giblin, a clinical therapist, yoga instructor (because, you know, when you’re mad and actin’ a little crazy, what else is better then the ability to calm the hell down with some good, old fashioned self talk and meditation?) and bi-costal babe living in NY and Hawaii with a Masters Degree in Therapy who has been in Glamour, Real Simple, Forbes magazine and more. So… Basically. We should take her advice. 

1) Stop, Collaborate and Listen. 
You wanna be cool as Ice, Ice Baby? (Ugh, we went there…) If so, you need to learn how to take a step back. “Notice what feelings are coming up for you, and then take a step back,” Giblin advises. “Most often, these feelings are not [actually] due to the [current] situation itself but rooted in our past relationships or from our own insecurities. This can influence our perception of the experience.” 

2) Break It Down.  

There’s a good chance that the jealousy you are feeling right now is actually a reaction to something else. Some form of… Fear. (False Evidence Appearing Real. We love how pithy that is.) So. Try to identify what it is you are really reacting to? “Ask yourself when you have experienced this feeling before and get clear on how you feel deep inside. Take a moment to witness what these feelings are bringing up for you, regardless of what the other person has said or done,” Giblin explains. 

3) Distance. Distance. Distance. 
This is where the big mindwork comes in. Here’s what Giblin says is essential to do. “Once you begin to get clear on what jealousy feels like for you, you can begin to notice these feelings as being separate from you. This allows you the time and space to witness and breathe through your feelings, without letting them self sabotage your current relationship. “ Ok so let’s translate that to what it means on a practical level…. PUT SOME SPACE IN YOUR HEAD BETWEEN YOU AND THAT SH*T, GIRL!!! 

4) Get the Help. Do the Work. 

If you’ve gotten as far as knowing that you have triggers and how those feelings influence your behavior, know that your feelings are probably associated with your past. This is when it’s time to go get yourself some help so you can free yourself from the negative thought patterns! Giblin explains, “the more willing you become to work through your feelings and fear based emotions with a therapist or life coach, the more you can allow your current relationship to unfold in a more positive way. Although you cannot control another person, you can take control of your feelings, your healing, your own positive perception, and your life.”

If all else fails… try kickboxing. Or chocolate. Or both.