Breast Envy Is Real! Here's How to Make Sure Your Man Isn't Feeling Displaced by the Baby

Although some people think it’s nothing more than an urban myth, if you go to Google and put “breast envy between fathers and sons”, you’ll see some links. Ones that include dads talking about the adjustment they have to make when their wife’s body is now used to feed their child’s. It’s necessary. They respect it. But sometimes they also feel left out. To put it nicely, they miss spending time with their wife’s breasts. In the worst way.

Meanwhile wife/mom is trying to find the balance between using them for sexual purposes and provision. It can be awkward. It can be icky. It can be emotionally draining. We get it. We really do.

If you’re a new mom with a child and you’ve been wondering if you’re the only one on planet Earth that has to deal with breast envy, you are not even close to being alone. Here are some ways to make the transition more bearable. For you, for your man and for your baby too.

1. Be affectionate even when you can't be sexual

When you’ve just finished feeding your baby, your man comes into the room looking like he’s thirsty too and the last thing you want to do is be sexual, find a happy medium. Let him lay on your lap while you play with his hair or ask him if he wants to cuddle while you both catch up on a show. Contrary to popular belief, men don’t always want sex. Sometimes they just need to feel close to the one they love. When the baby is around all of the time, men can feel displaced. Loving on him a bit can reassure him that things are changing, but your love for him isn’t one of them.

2. "Reject" with kindness

If some men turned down their wives advances like women sometimes do, women would feel pretty low. Your hormones are all over the place, you're tired and irritable sometimes. But try and be sensitive when he wants some and you don’t. Rather than turning up your face and shoving him away, offer another time. A compromise for later makes it feel less like a rejection and more like something to look forward to.

3. Talk to your man about how you're feeling

You’re probably already feeling like a baby feeding machine. Bless your heart. The late-night feedings, sore nipples and leaking breasts (that sometimes you can’t control) are all making you feel like the least sexy woman on the planet. You are not only your man’s sex partner. The two of you are friends. He’s never birthed a child before. His breasts don’t get swollen. Talk to him about how you’re feeling. If he’s a good man, you’re going to get more sympathy than anything else. You deserve it.

4. Decide when you're going to start the weaning process

Your baby and your man love your breasts, but you probably can’t wait for both of them to give you some breathing room. Or shoot, at least one of them. There’s a remedy for that. It’s a good idea to try and breastfeed for as long as you can (at least a year). But once your child has reached their first birthday, start putting a weaning plan together. That will help to get your body on a more consistent sleep schedule and your baby back in their own bed(room) more often. Your man will be thrilled!

5. Give everyone time to adjust (especially you!)

Just like no one can fully prepare you for marriage, the same goes for motherhood and merging the two. You were given nine months to be pregnant so that you can adjust to a new normal. Give yourself at least that much time when it comes to striking a balance between your needs, your man’s needs and your baby’s. Honestly, the order of importance is going to shift from day-to-day. But be patient with the process and don’t lose yourself in the middle of it. Your baby loves your breasts. Your man does too. But they’re yours. Don’t let anyone in the house ever forget that. EVER!