Disconnected: 6 Ways to Reconnect with Your Spouse

Ebb and flow. It’s a phrase that originated from what happens in the ocean---how the current causes waves to fluctuate. But if you’ve got a few years of marriage under your belt, you know that it can apply to your relationship too. The love is always there, but sometimes there are moments when you don’t feel as close or connected as you would like to.

If this is where you and yours are right now, a book that you might want to get is The Four Seasons of Marriage: The Secrets to a Lasting Marriage. It talks about how every couple goes through “spring, summer, fall and winter” moments. It also shares how to get through them.

While you’re waiting for the book to arrive, we also have a few tips to offer. Things that can help you to recreate the intimacy in your marriage that will help you to feel closer than ever.

1. Talk in the mornings

The one person you should never feel you don’t have time for is your spouse. That can easily happen though if you’re not intentional about getting some quality time in with one another (snoring in the same bed doesn’t count). Just a little bit of pillow talk can help the two of you to feel closer. Set your alarm clock for 20 minutes earlier in the morning and just lay there and chat. It doesn’t have to be anything deep. The talking and touching will do both of you some good. If you can get a walk in to relieve stress and take in the fresh air, even better!

2. Write love letters

So many of us are used to typing on keypads that we can’t remember the last time we saw our own handwriting. Bring some romance back into your relationship by penning a love letter. Tell your spouse all of the reasons why you’re glad you married them or the things you love most about them. You can even make it a bit seductive by telling them what you remember about your first kiss or wedding night. Put it under their pillow or have it sent over to their job. It will bring a smile to their face---and then some.

3. Have cuddle time

Cuddling is sweet, endearing and intimate. It also comes with all sorts of health benefits. It increases the oxytocin levels in your body; that makes your immune system stronger and can relieve joint and muscle pain too. It reduces stress levels, is proven to help women to bond better and can make it easier to rest at night. Since you shouldn’t be (romantically) cuddling up to anyone but your spouse, if you do it enough, you’ll condition your mind to them being a source of affection and relaxation.

4. Date again

Some people think that dating is for singles to get to know one another. That’s one purpose of it. Another is to get in some real quality time with your spouse away from the kids, the chores and the people calling you on your phone. Date night is something that should be a staple in every marriage. Even if you can’t do it every Friday or Saturday night, devote a day a month that’s all about the two of you going out.

5. Plan a trip

Your honeymoon was a long time ago and family vacations don’t count. If you can’t remember the last time the two of you went away on a romantic trip, that needs to move up on your priority list. A cruise or a week away would be fantastic. But if not, at least spend a couple of days in the next city or at a local bed and breakfast. It will bring some romance back into your marriage; remind you of all of the things you love so much about each other’s mind, body and spirit.

6. Go on a sex fast (in reverse)

What’s a “sex fast” in reverse? A fast is going without something for a long time. Well, if you’re doing the opposite of that, it would be engaging in something more than usual. Being intentional about having sex seven days straight (for example) can relieve stress, bring spice back into your relationship and definitely bring intimacy back. Sex shouldn’t be seen as “something to do” in a marriage. It is an important way to express love, enjoy one another and yes, establish a (re)connection.