Not a Girl Not Yet a Woman: Saying Goodbye to Who You Were and Hello to Who You Are

When  you hear the phrase "not a girl, not yet a woman" you may think of Britney Spears' coming-of-age anthem that debuted in 2002, brought to life in her movie CrossRoads. 

The song begins with:

I used to think, I had the answers to everything
but now I know
Life doesn't always go my way
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize
I'm not a girl, not yet a womanLife is full of change for everyone, but for young women, the transition from girlhood to womanhood likely takes place over the span of years. Some facets of womanhood emerge before others, and build upon lessons learned through the wisdom of other women, or the teacher of experience. Here are some ways in which you can expect to change, and feel "in between" in this journey of struggle, growth, and blossoming into the woman you want to become.

Values

Perhaps at a younger age, you had an idea of what mattered to you: friends, family, following-through, faith. Perhaps as time has gone on, you've felt unsettled because you devote less time to a few of the things you grew up viewing as important. This is the time to assess whether those values were your own, or imposed upon you by your parents, culture, or, if you genuinely miss them and feel a longing to practice an old value because it struck a personal chord. 

Values Tip:
Make a list of things your parent(s), friends, and social groups growing up valued through action or speech. Then reflect on how you felt about it. Circle the ones you practiced most. Do you still live those values? Do you miss them? Why or why not? Why have the ones that endured stuck around? Any others to add? Which experiences prompted the adoption of your new values?

Vulnerability

Boundary-setting is an art. It's crucial for healthy friendships, romances, and family relations. Maybe you grew up as an open book, confiding secrets in every new friend you made, and were burned by gossip. Perhaps you lived a "mum's the word" life and generally felt disconnected from everyone. Establishing how vulnerable and open to be with someone stems from your past experiences of positive enforcement, and feeling safe, or negative reinforcement, encouraging you to keep your guard up. In order to discover how to be vulnerable in a way that is authentic, and smart, you must have a level of vulnerability with yourself. This means owning up to it when you fail at something, or don't live a core value of yours, and allowing to feel the happiness that comes with achieving a goal you set out to conquer as well. 

Vulnerability Tip:
Journal for 5 minutes every night on what is weighing on your mind. Write it out. You'll be more in touch with your feelings and on your way to self-compassion and vulnerability that will lend itself to being vulnerable with others.