Do Men Love the Chase? Why You Need to Play Cat and Mouse

It’s the age old question and the thing that bugs female daters of all ages, shapes, sizes and races… Do we REALLY have to let men be in charge? Is it REALLY a case of cat chasing mouse? When it comes to courting, when it comes to the actual DATING and pursuing, it’s safe to say that women, on the whole, like clarity and communication. We hate to “play games.” Yet, when we meet a man we’re into, we sometimes feel like we have to “back off” in order to capture his interest. Whaaaatttt???  Do men really want to chase us? 

To make it really easy…. Yes. (End scene.)
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No really. Yes. 

Now that we got that out of the way (sorry!) we can tell you why. When you boil it down to it, it’s actually just about Value. To put it as simply as we can, men are attracted to things they asses Value to. And, many times,  they assign Value to things they want but can’t get. According to relationship expert, Dr. Pam Spurr,  “Almost everyone - men and women - put a certain added ‘value’ on to something that’s not easily attainable. This is why can feel so good to save up for something like a special dress or handbag - and when you get it just feels priceless… It’s the same with sex and the classic chase - many men find the chase exciting and it strokes their ego to feel they’re the one who is finally going to get her attention - and get her into bed. Add to this the fact that men are very goal focused and an elusive goal can seem all that much more interesting.

In her book “How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World” by Jordan Christy, she gives a whole bunch of reasons and sociological info as to how and why women should let men be assertive in pursing us. But, when she boils it down, she simply just asks a bunch of dudes.  What better way to learn about male behavior  then to simply ask men? Check this out….

“Don’t believe me? If you’re still of the I’ll-get-the-check-not-him mentality," Christy says, "all stubborn and adamant that we just go out and snag a man, I challenge you to take a gander at the responses to the question I posed to ten delightful, successful, happily married men: Did she pursue you, or did you pursue her? Their answers show that the odds are against those trying to muster up the guts to do the asking first.

Jeremy, married five years: I definitely had to pursue Sarah. She wasn’t interested in me at all, so I went out and bought concert tickets to see her favorite band to try and impress her.

Herman, married seventy-eight years: I met Emma when I was eighteen and she was just sixteen. I was very nervous about asking her parents’ permission to take her out, but I just knew she was the one and knew I had to go for it. So we started seeing each other and were married two months later. That was a long time ago!

Bo, married four years: Even though Claire and I had known each other for years, I had to make the first move. We saw each other for the first time in years, and she just looked so great that I asked for her number and asked her out there on the spot.

Joey, married eleven years: I had to go after Brandi. She just got out of a relationship and didn’t really want to have anything to do with me, or any guy, for that matter. But I eventually wore her down, and now she’s stuck with me!

Greg, married forty-two years: I had to pursue Carol. Two of our mutual friends even tried to set us up on a date, but she refused! So I just kept asking her out until she finally agreed. We went to a high school basketball game together, and the rest is history.

José, married one year: I had to pursue her. I met Tina when we were playing a show at a small club in this obscure town in Alaska. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, so I started talking to her after the show, asked for her number, and called her first thing the next morning.

Christopher, married seventeen years: I had to do all the work! I first saw Kerry when our high school football team played her school on a Friday night. She was a cheerleader, she was so cute, and I knew that I just had to say something to her afterward. So I waited around for an hour and a half after the game to talk to her.

Al, married thirty-three years: Well, we were only in eighth grade, but I still had to do the pursuing! I wrote Paula a note, asking if she would go steady. She said yes, and we dated all through high school and got married the day she turned eighteen!

Jefferson, married nine years: I met Bonita at a church picnic and definitely had to pursue her. She didn’t want to have anything to do with me, but I just kept annoying her and pestering her until she finally agreed to go on a date.

Ryan, married three years: Natalie came to one of our band’s shows with a bunch of her friends; I saw her in the crowd and just knew that I had to go talk to her, so I think you could safely say that I pursued her. I found her afterward, got her number, and haven’t stopped talking to her since!"

SO there you have it, folks. The simple and brutal truth. Now, we do share this one note as a reminder for you:  allowing a man to chase you is NOT the same thing as being illusive and wishy washy and fake. It simply means you allow him to set the pace and make the moves. There’s a fine line between being intriguing and giving the impression you aren’t interested. Once a man is attracted to you, he will be genuinely excited and motivated by your interest in him!

Happy hunting, my little mice!