How to Establish Your Personal Values

Sometimes we go through life, day by day, wondering how all of our thoughts, actions, hopes and dreams align. Sometimes it may seem like there's little overlap, and plenty of conflicting ideals, lending itself to confusion. This lack of clarity is not serving you, and you want answers. 

You may wonder what your personal values are, and in fact, you already know. Life circumstances may convolute them or make them fuzzy to the naked eye, but deep down, you know and have lived them. Get a journal and pen ready, we're about to uncover what drives all that you do.

1. Reflect

- What are your 3 greatest successes?

- What are your 3 greatest failures? 

Start with stories, you know, the ones ingrained into your brain, that are usually in the back-of-your mind, if not top-of-mind in moments of bliss or anxiety. You can open yourself up to thinking back to something amazing from childhood, or scarring from last week. As long as you experienced and value it, it's on the table. 

2. Dig Deeper into Success

- What about your success felt good? 

- What was the worst part of the success?

It's easy to look back at finishing your first book, or having an article published as a success, but what about it felt good? Was it a goal you set for yourself that you quietly accomplished? You may value integrity

And try not to be deterred by looking on the not-so-bright side of your successes. Sometiems our core values can hurt us (i.e. You value honesty, so you speak your mind at a company meeting and get fired) so it's keen to be aware of how our values hurt and help us.

3. Dig Deeper Into Failure

- What about your failures felt bad?

- What was the best part of those failures?

This one may sound like it's bordering on reliving the pain all over again, but trust that there's good reason to rehash this. When your team lost the championship did you feel like you let others down? Or were you glad to be in the company of others to share the loss and try again? Or how about a relationship that you tried to sustain, that crumbled into dust? You can ascertain what you value by any positive outcomes or feelings from negative experiences. This may be difficult, especially if it's a deeply-seated negative experience, but if you can find the silver lining, it may just bring you to realize your values. Maybe you value community, or perhaps you value flexibility and diligence to reach your goals, and it's important that you surround yourself with people who share that value.