How to Become More Emotionally Resilient

Think about a time when heat starting coming out of your ears. Were you "appalled," "offended," "defied," or just plain "mad"? Or think about the last time you cried. Do you think back on that feeling as "afraid," "heartbroken," or simply "sad"?

Your answer could reveal how emotionally resilient you are. According to psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett, emotional granularity, or, one's ability to decipher the specific emotion that they're feeling, is a key indicator that they will be able to move on from the pull of the setback sooner rather than later. 

Why would someone who can articulate that they're "disappointed," versus "sad," or "miffed" versus angry more likely to move upward and onward? It would be easy to say that people with more robust vocabularies are smarter, and thus, move on and are more successful, because that's what intelligent people do. Wrong. The reason why people with high emotional granularity are more emotionally resilient is because they take the time to explore what they're feeling in detail, rather than use a blanket statement that may only gloss over what they feel. Those with high emotional granularity may also be more likely to see the multiple facets of a situation; the good in the bad, the sweet in the sad, the relief in finding out news that initially inspired anger. 

This may lead to deeper understanding of themselves over time, but don't be fooled. These folks aren't necessarily happy all of the time! Being beyond acquainted with negative reactions to people or situations in life may lend itself to deeply experienced feelings of anger or depression for a time, from which one must do emotional work in order to resolve and carry on from. 

Trying to take your mind off your troubles and not facing your emotions may have the short-term 'gain' of feeling numb, or less low, but ultimately, this diminishes your overall life experience. Think of a line graph. One is relatively steady, with a single line drawn from one end to the other. Then there's another line that appears to have hills and valleys. The highest points are higher than the steady graph, and the lowest points most certainly are lower. This is the graph of a person with high emotional granularity.