'I'm Just Not in the Mood!' Now What to Do About It

When you were in marital bliss on your honeymoon, spending hours in bed and having sex all night, you probably never dreamed you’d be where you are now. Still loving your man, still wanting to “engage” every now and then, but not as much as you used to.

It’s not that you don’t love your hubby or that you don’t enjoy sex. It’s that you’re getting up early to get the day started. You have 90 million things to check off on your to-do list. And more times than not, a little human is hanging on some body part until it’s time to crash at night. In short, sometimes, even if your mind wants to be, you’re just not in the mood.

To tell you the truth, sometimes the best remedy is sleep (real talk). But if you’ve been turning your baby (the big one, not the little one) down more lately---and he hasn’t been hesitating in bringing that to your attention---there are some ways to kick your libido back in gear. Things that might get your engine going…starting as soon as tonight.

1. Eat some aphrodisiacs

There are foods you can eat that will increase blood circulation, get your energy levels up and yes, even help to kick your libido (back) into overdrive. Some of our favorites include dark chocolate (yes!), avocados, almonds, chili peppers, watermelon, arugula and even coconut water. You’re not gonna eat these in an hour and want to hop in the sack in two, but if they become a part of your diet, you should notice some “tingling” returning soon!

2. Use some essential oils

There’s nothing like a good scent to put you in the mood. Essential oils are better than perfumes (to us, anyway) because they are stronger and proven to have medicinal benefits. Cinnamon, jasmine, sandalwood, patchouli and rose (or rosewood) are all extremely potent and sensual in the best way possible. Add them to a carrier oil like jojoba or almond and turn it into a massage than neither one of you will ever forget!

3. Drink some red wine

No one is saying to get “drunkety drunk”, but there are studies which indicate that red wine is the best alcoholic beverage to get you in the mood. One glass will increase blood flow (if you know what we mean) and give your man a testosterone boost. It will also relax you. This brings us to the next point.

4. Rest more

Sometimes it’s the simplest things that can cause the biggest problems. If you’re sleep-deprived, no wonder sex is the last thing on your mind! If you have a super-hectic schedule, especially one that includes kids, and you’re not getting more than 4-5 hours, you’re drained. That’s also unhealthy. It might be unrealistic to expect to get 7-8 hours each night, but if you can’t nap when your kids do. A little snooze can do wonders for your sex life.

5. Get your hormone levels checked

If you used to jump your man every time he hit the door, but for the past few months, you couldn’t care less about sex and you’re not sure why, consider two things. First, think about if you’re happy in your relationship. The strongest sex organ is the brain and if you feel emotionally disconnected, that might be why you don’t want to physically engage. If all is well in that department, see your doctor. It might be hormone-related. The sooner you know for sure, the sooner you can get things back on track.

6. Be open to new things

Maybe you’re just bored. Same room. Same time. Same position. Every time. No one likes to watch paint dry and no one likes to have ho-hum sex. Try being a little more spontaneous. Book a hotel room in your city. Break out that lingerie he loves. Yes, try some new positions? (See here.) New things can open new doors. Even sexually!

7. Talk it out

If sexually, something is “off”, you already know your partner senses it too. Don’t try and act like nothing’s wrong or get defensive if the topic is brought up. That’s only going to make things worse. Talk it through. Figure out what both of you can do to make things better in the bedroom. Then back that up with action. Then watch that mood change! (Whew-hew!)