Is Your Relationship in Conflict with Your Purpose? 5 Questions to Ask

If you asked 50 super ambitious people whether or not they are in a relationship, there’s a pretty good chance that around 30-35 of them will say "no". Sound negative? It’s not meant to. Relationships are wonderful. That is, if you’re with the right person.

The challenge is when you’re not, trying to maintain a love life can be a real struggle. When you know what your purpose is and you’re passionate about it, finding the balance between pursuing it and sharing your world with another human being can be hard, if not close to impossible.

Does that mean that you can’t be a purpose chaser and in love? Of course, not! But you need to be with someone who is going to support you. They need to be willing to do what is necessary to help you to reach your goals as you do the same for them. Otherwise, your relationship could come into conflict with your purpose and not a lot of good can come out of that.

You can avoid this kind of crossroad though and communication is key. If you’re wondering if your relationship is going to help or hurt you in the long run, here are some things to ask your significant other.

1. Do you both know what you want out of life?

When you make the decision to share your life with someone, it means you need to be concerned with more than the here and now. The future needs to be taken into serious consideration too. Do you both want to get married? Do you both want to have kids someday? Do you both want to be close to family or don’t mind being far apart? How about where you want to live? Healthy relationships consist of two people who want some of the same things in life. If one of you wants to be single and travel the world, while the other wants to get married within the year and start a family, love is not going to be enough to come to a compromise. It’s a hard reality that a lot of couples have to face.

2. Do your gifts and talents complement one another?

An important thing to remember about being in a relationship is you both should become better and stronger people because of it. Not just personally, but when it comes to fulfilling your purpose too. That’s not to say that you both need to be in the same field. But you should have gifts and talents that can complement one another. You might be a musician and your partner is great with managing money. Or they might be a teacher and you’re a morning person who can help them prepare to leave in the morning. You might be a missionary and they are social media savvy for those days when you’re “off the grid”. The point is the right fit will be able to help to make reaching goals easier, not harder. Sometimes thanks to the abilities they have that you might not.

3. Do you respect each other's schedules?

Say you’re in law school and you’re dating someone who has a part-time retail job. There’s nothing wrong with that, but they are going to have A LOT more free time than you are. The reason why some highly-ambitious people choose to remain single is because they don’t want to debate with someone about why their schedules don’t mesh or they don’t have as much time for them as they would like. Someone who is a good fit for you is going to respect your schedule as you honor theirs. If that means making some sacrifices sometimes, so be it. They see the greater good.

4. Do you have future plans? For your purpose and each other?

A good partner is going to be a great cheerleader! They are not going to be comfortable with you being stagnant and not moving forward. They are going to encourage you to take risks and try new things. They are going to call you with “Have you ever thought of maybe trying this?” Two forward-thinkers equal a really fun and productive relationship. They consider what is needed to thrive individually and with one another.

5. Are you present for one another's success?

If ANYONE should be doing back flips at the thought of all the things you’ve achieved, it should be the one you’re in a relationship with! To them, your success is as important as their own. So when you get that promotion, start that new business, complete that manuscript or screenplay, debut that new blog or website, they are going to be the one with the bottle of bubbly! If you are seeing someone who is a killjoy, is rarely excited for you or always finds a way to make your ambitions about them, hate it break it to you, but they are probably not the best fit. Relationships are not supposed to put you in conflict with your purpose. They are supposed to encourage you to fulfill it. Never forget that. Ever.