Listen Up, Married Folks! Maybe the Sex is Bad, But Maybe You Need to Change Your Perspective!

Don’t let the single folks lie to you! You can go to pretty much any search engine, type in “married sex” and see a list of articles about how it’s better than what they're having! Redbook actually listed 25 reasons why. Some of them include the security of being in a committed relationship, the decreased chance of contracting a disease and the fact that you can bypass all of the game-playing and ask for exactly what you want (and get it!).

Just why does married sex sometimes get a bad rap? Why do some couples cite that as being a reason to end their marriage (or at least step out on it)? We think it’s because a lot of people are not prepared for the differences that come with having sex in marriage as opposed to being out of it.

If you and your partner are currently struggling in the bedroom, don’t jump to conclusions just yet. Take these points into consideration, talk it over and see if adjustments can be made. A lot of folks will tell you that the single life ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. If you’ve got a good marriage but the sex sucks, it may not be bad. You just might be bored.

1. Things are no longer new, but they are more intimate

First times are exhilarating. This not only includes the first time the two of you had sex, but the first year as a married couple and the first time you tried new things together. After a few years, it can be just as much work to find new things to bring into your bedroom as to actually do them! Here’s the flip to that. The reason why a lot of older couples says that sex has gotten better for them overtime is because they’ve been through some things together. Raising kids. Financial struggles. Forgiving one another. Time creates more intimacy. That helps to establish a closer connection. Sex that involves the mind, body and spirit is sex that tops a one-night stand any day!

2. Sex drives shift throughout the years

Something that a lot of couples are not prepared for is the “ebb and flow” of their sex life. As we age, our hormones change. Our energy levels shift. Our desires can be strong one day (or month) and not so strong the next. That doesn’t mean something is “wrong”. It means you’re getting older. If things have become too drastic, make an appointment to see your doctor. Click here to read about natural ways to boost your libido too. Trust us, if you have the will, there is always a way!

3. You change. So do your needs---and wants.

Ever heard the quote “People change and forget to tell each other”? It’s one that every married couple with more than seven years under their belt needs to hear. As you both get to know one another better, even sexually, you may discover that what you liked (or thought you liked) at 25 is not what you’re looking for at 40. The key is not to tolerate what is currently happening, but to share what you want to start happening. A good partner wants to please, both in and out of the bedroom. Communicate your needs and wants. Allow them to do the same. And try and keep the egos about of the conversation. Intimacy and pleasure need to be the end goal. Not your pride.

4. Be more intentional about keeping things HOT!

DON’T. GET. LAZY. Nothing good comes from that. If you’re going to bed looking a mess every night, if you can’t remember the last time you pulled out some lingerie (or better yet, bought some), if creating a seduction scene hasn’t happened since your last anniversary…no wonder there are problems! Don’t let the movies fool you. A great sex life is possible, but as with everything else in life, it also takes work! You get out what you want to put in, even with intimacy. Never forget that.

5. If you're bored, say it (not during sex, though!)

Even after all of this, you still may love your spouse and just be…bored. If that’s the case, be honest. Just don’t have that kind of heart-to-heart in the bedroom. A HUGE mistake that couples make is having deep conversations in a space that really should be reserved for sex and sleep. Over breakfast, while watching television or as you’re enjoying drinks on the back porch, gently bring up how you’re feeling. Just don’t be surprised (or mad) if they’ve got some “notes” for you too.

6. Create your own "sex pot"

Here’s an awesome motivator, and a way to keep traveling debt down. Have you ever heard of a sex pot? Go to a store like Old Time Pottery and get a big pot. Every time you and yours get some, put some money into it. At the end of the year, use that money to go on a trip. If that doesn’t inspire you to have sex more often, don’t just follow these tips. Hit up a marriage counselor too! (There’s nothing wrong with that, by the way. Do whatever is gonna make your marriage work. Again, in and out of the bedroom!)