Marry Now Or Wait? Dr. Sherry Says, 'Romance Without Finance Don't Stand A Chance.'
Once upon a time, men were heads of their households, the breadwinners and the ones who did all of the heavy lifting, so to speak. As more and more women have entered the workforce, coupled with the rising numbers of single mothers out there being the only source of income for their families, the dynamics of dating are more complicated than ever before. Should women be looking for something different in a man?
This brings us to the plight of "Hopeless Romantic," a single mother and reader of Essence Magazine's "Ask Dr. Sherry" column. She told the good doctor that while her boyfriend is caring, supportive and genuinely loves her, he isn't realizing his financial potential quickly enough. He has always been upfront about his challenges with money. Like a lot of folks out there, the man is at a point in his life where he's had to start over.
Rather than follow her sister's example and be the breadwinner who provides for her husband, "Hopeless" prefers the more traditional example of her parents. Her father was the main provider for her mom and the children. She just doesn't want to struggle with a man. And then there's this:
"I hope I'm not sounding like a gold digger but I just value financial security. Not to include, I'm a single mother that is tired of doing everything myself, I need someone to take care of me for a change," she says.
Well, as usual, Dr. Sherry laid it all out. She set the stage with an African proverb that says, "Romance without finance don't stand a chance."
People fight about and divorce over money matters everyday. According to a study conducted by Utah State University, couples with over $50,000 in annual income are less likely to divorce than those with less than $25,000. "Hopeless" and her man have split several times over financial strain which could be a sign of things to come:
"Many women enter into a relationship knowing the financial problems but think it is going to change because their loved one has 'potential.' That is a major mistake because potential is just that…potential. It may become something more or it may not. It is unclear if your boyfriend has the education, training or other necessary skills to develop his potential. Even if he does possess what is needed, there is no guarantee that he will use it to change his financial status," Dr. Sherry says.
The bottom line is that "Hopeless" has to decide what is best for herself and her daughter. If she doesn't want to struggle with a man, then she shouldn't. Now, they could either build a great life together or they could struggle for eternity. Only time will tell. Perhaps if she is patient, while he gets his financial affairs in order, they could marry down the road. Would hate to be in her shoes, though.
What would you do?
