How to Tell If You're In an Abusive Relationship

Depending on where and how they learn about relationships, people all have different definitions on what they should be. But when it comes right down to it, there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed, they’re the lines that separate love from control and romance from abuse or obsession. Relationships are about respect, trust, and freedom to be who you are within a relationship.

Not sure what counts as abusive? The first rule is to always follow your gut. Your safety, well being, and happiness are top priority.

If you’re still not sure, take a look at these 6 signs of a negative, abusive, and dangerous relationship.

Physical Intimidation or Abuse

If anything that hurts you happens, it’s not OK. Talk to someone immediately. Whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or police officer don’t be afraid to get help. Now let’s take a look at some of the less obvious signs of an abusive relationship.

Spying

Does your partner pry into your life in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable or guilty? Do they corner you about “facts” they’ve “discovered” about you? Controlling people often think they have a right to know things that they really don’t. If someone is checking your phone and email—with or without your consent—that’s a warning sign. Your personal privacy is being violated.

Heavy Criticism

There’s a certain healthy amount of criticism and advice in any relationship—despite our best efforts, no one is perfect. But criticism should never belittle your behavior or make you feel ashamed of your feelings. Those are your actions and feelings after all. One of our jobs in our relationships is to grow—as a couple and as individuals—but striving to grow does not give permission for insults or slander.

Encouraging Bad Behavior

It can be fun to grab a drink with friends, or split a bottle of wine on date night, but if your partner is pushing you toward behaviors that border on substance abuse—that’s drugs, alcohol, food—it isn’t right. This also goes for behavior, you shouldn’t ever feel like your partner is trying to push you so far outside of your level of comfort that you’re scared. Controlling people will use pressure to manipulate weaker parties, and the more they get away with, the stronger they become.

No Alone Time

If you never get a moment to yourself, how are you supposed to recharge? A controlling, and possibly abusive, partner may make you feel guilty about you wanting to take a little me-time. Make sure to communicate with your partner both about what you need and what you expect them to give you. Ideally, your partner will do the same with you.

If you or someone you know is in immediate crisis, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800) 799-7233.