The Secret to a Happy Marriage Is… Dating?
Once upon a time there was a young man who had, let’s face it, a really big crush on a young woman. He saw her. He wanted her in his life… and he didn’t stop until she belonged to him. He planned evenings out, held her hand and never, ever, let her forget how her smile lit up his heart. He was in love. She was in love. They were happy. Now fast forward, twelve years later. There are bills. And a mortgage. And body parts that have become acquainted with gravity. And maybe a child or two. Somewhere along the line – between Tuesday night tacos, Netflix and long hours at the office – the Man and Woman fell into a routine. Sure, they were the best of friends, shared a toothbrush and moved around each other’s daily routine like clockwork but… they lost their spark. She was sad. He felt distant. Something was off.
The good news is that they, along with most married couples who seem to have fallen unto a rut, can get back on track. The key? Stop blaming. Start appreciating and… date each other all over again.
Yup. You read it correct. Date your spouse. Old school style.
“Men have this idea that they only have to make romantic gestures when they're courting,” says world renowned relationship expert John Grey of the famed Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series. “Once they're married, a man thinks he's giving his wife the big stuff -- like sharing his income with her -- so he doesn't have to do all of the little stuff anymore. But it's the little stuff that builds romance.”
This is where the magic happens. The idea? Is so simple it fails to dawn on so many. Treat your partner like you did when you were dating them, courting them and striving for their affection. How do you do this?
Here are a few tips for men and women.
For the guys…
- Listen to her without providing a solution. Understand she needs to talk and sometimes, simply wants to be heard.
- Be physically affectionate, even when sex isn’t on the table. Hug your wife and look her in the eye.
- Plan a date night. Old fashioned? Sure. But if she liked it when you met, she’ll like it now.
But remember… you don’t have to do it every day (meaning, time to time will work just fine) but you should never step. Whether you have been married for two years or twenty, the goal is still the same: remind her of the energy you once had together and bring it back to life.
For the ladies…
- Stop taking him for granted. Appreciate the things he does and don’t point out the things you feel are mistakes unless they are big ones.
- Show him he is successful in making you happy. This is a key emotional need for many men so, stop your everyday insanity to show him that he does a good job for you. Touch him, look him in the eye… and FLIRT!
But remember… at the core of this is communication. You talk. He listens. You thank him for listening.
When it comes down to it, the one goal for both persons in a long-term relationship, is to find ways to show the other that they are still special and, even more then that, they are visible and cherished.
