Why Telling Your Crush You like Them Is Stressful, Even Years Later
The teasing, the humiliation, the recess turmoil. Those are all things that came from revealing a crush in elementary school. Hell, that was likely the case until high school for most. Only with less recess because for some reason school districts don't feel teens need playtime.
That embarrassment is what led most of us to hide our likes and like-likes away from the world, rarely even revealing them to our BFFs at slumber parties, fearful they'd let it slip leaving you with with a lonely "Best" half of a necklace. As we get older though, that fear of incessant mockery from our peers is replaced with an even bigger fear; rejection. So we continued to live in secrecy as we did when we were younger, but if age is supposed to bring this newfound sense of self and assurance, why are we still fearful and a bit embarrassed when the word gets out years after the fact?
Pop culture, as well as a great Ricky Martin and Christina Aguilera duet, has taught us that nobody wants to be lonely and if our crush finds out and doesn't return the sentiment, we're left to believe that's the end of the road. We'll deem ourselves undatable until the next person walks into sight. Then again what if another never comes your way? Alone, stranded on this earth with only a cat, and one that's not even going to wind up Instagram famous. Even all these years after the fact, no one wants to hear they’re unwanted. So what if you and the guy whose name you scribbled in your notebook throughout high school have moved on? You don’t want him to know you once had the hots for him because what if it’s not like in the rom coms and he posts how horrible it was to hear about your once upon a time affection towards him?
As kids we're scared of telling our crush how we feel because of the sheer embarrassment that comes with the news breaking. As we grow older, the fear is still there but it has transformed more into one of rejection. Alas, I thought it was wise to face this fear because after reading Shonda Rhimes’ Year of Yes, I believe I can do just about anything. So I figured I’d tell my top crushes throughout my years of school and one from my adult years, and write a post about it. I even made a prompt to send each of them.
While a little easy on my mind, the nerves were still there as I couldn't even begin to guess their reactions. What if they ignored the message completely and unfriended me on the spot? What if they posted the message and everyone laughed at me? Fear. Anxiety. Regret. All of those rushed over me as I contemplated hitting send, but I wanted to do it to prove that I'm a grown up now. What's funny is I'd planned to do this with multiple guys I'd adored in elementary, middle and high school. But for some reason I was once again 10, 13 and 16-years-old and freaked over schoolyard torment that could never actually happen. I only contacted my crush from a few years ago, and as I closed Facebook for the night fear, anxiety, and regret slept with me that night.
Waking the next morning, I found a response that said he was surprised and that’s about it. He was surprised I liked him years ago and he didn’t even care to entertain the idea that he was into me then too. Rejected via a confession. I got through it, but still have to wonder why admitting to the crushes from way before this guy freaked me out to the point that I will likely sit on those childhood feelings for years. Do you think it’s easier to tell a guy you liked him years ago when you were mere students in a mandatory educational setting, or some guy you met as an adult who you only see via Facebook now?
