This Formal Rejection Letter Of An Unsolicited Dick Pic Is The Best Thing We've Ever Seen!
If you're a woman who's ever online dated, or gone out with a dude of any kind, chances are you've ended up with a picture of a dick that you never asked for. Usually silence signals a rejection of the offer. Goes without saying. Usually. 28-year-old Sarah-Louise Jordan (pictured below), however, replied to an unsolicited dick pic in a pretty classy way, and we love her for it. Read her formal rejection of the 'junk mail' now.
"Dear Sir,
Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration. We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time. However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalized [sic] booklet that cover the following: why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step-by-step guide to saying hello); how to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves; better ways to deal with your sexual frustration; How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants) AND penis reading: a new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
We will also answer questions you might have such as: Do I have too much time on my hands? And Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control? (Note: The number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.) Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions: An inventive critique of your pride & joy AND A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
Yours faithfully"
Twitter users had reactions pretty much in line with Maelle's:
Other Twitter users had equally favorable reactions:
The letter is being used to help a coworker:
The English freelance writer confirmed with Buzzfeed that she never got a reply to her letter. And now you know: all you need to do to stop the dick pics from coming is write a formal rejection letter!
