9 Ways to Have Secret Sneaky Sex When the Kids Are Home

Of course you love your children. Nobody's saying you don't. But admit it; there are times you wish they were out of the house for like 20 minutes so you could GET. IT. ON.

In all sincerity, sex post-children isn't easy, especially when they're still too young to go to school. What're you supposed to do? Not have sex for 5 years?!

It's time y'all got creative. Sure the kids are at home, but you and your hubby can still play without your children knowing...

1. Long movie

They're probably too young for "Titanic" or "Lord of the Rings," but most of the Pixar movies clock in at about 90-minutes, which is plenty of time. Just say y'all are going to grab something upstairs. Bang one out, quick and tidy, and then rejoin your kids  in time to see Buzz Lightyear save the day.

2. Shower

Take a shower together. The water and fan will drown out any noise. Plus, you're saving water! How environmentally-friendly of you.

3. Saturday morning cartoons

God forbid the kids wake up early on weekdays. But on weekends, they'll be up at the crack of dawn to rush downstairs and watch Scooby solve a mystery, or some other more contemporary cartoon with which I'm unfamiliar. I've been told that today's youth aren't as into this ritual, but you're their parents. Show them how fun early morning cartoons are so you can have some fun of your own.

4. "Clean your room kids!"

Tell your children that they have to clean their rooms, like, REALLY clean them. They can't leave their rooms until the chore is done. While they're making everything tidy, you and your partner are gonna get a 'lil dirty in your own room.

5. Early bedtime

           

Have one night a week when bedtime is earlier. Tell your kids it's important to get a 'lil bit of extra sleep every now and then. As soon as you turn the lights out, turn on the sex drive and go for it before anyone wakes up!

6. Piano (or any musical instrument)

When I was little, my parents made me learn a musical instrument. I had to practice 30 minutes a day. In other words, they gave me something to do that distracted me from them AND made noise. It's gross to think about, but I gotta hand it to them. Brilliant! 

7. Nap time

Be strict about your children respecting nap time. When they're asleep, you're anything but.

8. Sexting

Sexting isn't just sending a bunch of awkward, nude pics back and forth. I mean, if you're into that, then go right ahead! Otherwise, try sending a message to your significant other about what you want to do to them. Your kids can be eating breakfast and have no idea that you're sexting away.

9. Midnight madness

At times, the only thing you can do is wait until the middle of the night, when nothing is stirring, not even a mouse, to do the deed. It's the price of having kids. But it's oh so worth it!