Yikes! How to Tell If Your Man Is Cheating

Hmm. It was probably around your second or third date when you first at least had an inkling that the man you’re with was the one you wanted. Then when the two of you made it official, although common sense told you that no relationship is perfect, you still felt really comfortable with how things were going. He was attentive. He was romantic. He adored you.

Now something is up. You can’t put your finger totally on it, but your mama told you to trust your gut instincts a long time ago---and you sense something, well, not quite right.

Before you go hurling accusations---and please, pardon the pun---we wanted to provide you with a bit of a “cheat sheet”. Before having the “Are you cheating on me?!” conversation, first run down this lil’ checklist. It may help to shed some much-needed light on the situation.

1. He keeps you from "the outside world"

We’re not saying he’s pyscho-possessive (that’s another post for another time). We’re saying that although there used to be a time when you hung out with his friends and was encouraged to spend time with his mom and sisters, now he prefers to do one-on-one things. His friends are always busy and his mom will call you back. What this sometimes means is someone in his world knows what he’s up to and he doesn’t want them to let anything slip. If you ask him “So, why haven’t I seen (insert name here) lately?” and he can’t provide a clear answer? Yeah. Keep that on your radar.

2. He's overly-protective of his electronic devices

Different people have differing opinions on this, but here’s our stance. Being in a relationship with someone should never mean that you have to sacrifice your individuality. Or your privacy. But it’s one thing to be PRIVATE. It’s another thing entirely to be SNEAKY. You don’t need to have his passwords or answer his cell phone or anything. But if he’s jumpy when you’re around his electronic devices or when you’re sitting on the coach, calls are constantly being sent to voice mail or he breaks his neck to keep you from seeing the screen of his phone or laptop…what’s up with that?!

3. You're receiving "guilt gifts"

Who doesn’t want to receive presents? If you have a man in your life who is a big (or consistent) giver, good for you, girl! But if it’s normally all about flowers and now it’s high end jewelry (and it’s not a holiday or your birthday), be thankful. Also be cautious. It’s no surprise that when men feel guilty, they often take it out on their credit cards rather than fessing up.

4. There's time that can't be accounted for

When you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s natural that you would get used to a certain kind of synergy when it comes to their daily routine. So, if there are suddenly chunks of time when he’s not answering his phone, if he’s always late or his schedule is switching up and he has no clear explanation as to why---unless he’s recently gotten a job promotion or something (and if so, good for him), don’t let that slide. Ask what’s going on.

5. He doesn't answer direct questions (he's defensive)

And by “asking” we don’t mean vague questions either. Don’t interrogate or nag, but do be specific. “So, I called you at 11 and at 3, where were you?” Or “I thought you said you were coming home at 7. I had dinner ready. Why didn’t you let me now you were going to be late?” Or “Nice shirt. Did you wear that when you left the house?” Then look for his body language and energy in his response. If he’s defensive, if he avoids eye contact or he changes the subject, well, we’re not saying to assume that he’s cheating but there is definitely some further investigating that needs to be done.

6. The intimacy has changed

It’s pretty normal for relationships to have an ebb and flow, even when it comes to intimacy. But what man do you know who doesn’t want sex? If when you initiate, he’s suddenly tired or you’re not getting kissed and cuddled as much as you used to, it’s time to have a talk. And don’t let the “I’ve just been beat lately” response slide. Not that it may not be true, but if that is the case, there should be some circumstances to explain why. Otherwise, it’s worth exploring further that he just may be cheating on you. (Sorry.)