Unresolved Issues: 5 Mistakes That Prevent Resolutions in Marriage

Nothing will test you quite like your marriage will. That’s because it’s the one relationship that you have to face, one way or another, every day. You can’t avoid it by not picking up the phone or not responding to an email. You share a bed with your spouse, after all!

On the flip side, nothing will teach you how to deal with conflict, to grab a hold of your emotions and to think before speaking quite like your marriage will either. It’s one of the best “training grounds” for learning how to deal with conflict resolution. And that can make you a better person all the way around.

The key is to think about the conflicts you may be experiencing and then seek out ways to resolve those issues. Some of the most common mistakes that husbands and wives make, we’ve included below.

1. Making assumptions

Just because you know your spouse pretty well, that doesn’t mean you know EVERYTHING about them. Sometimes we make the mistake of assuming what they’re thinking or what they’re going to do. That can make you come off as arrogant and put them on edge. Even if you think you know what’s going on, it’s still a good idea to ask, just to make sure. That will make them more open to talking to you rather than defending themselves.

2. Basing everything on the past

Your spouse is going to make mistakes. So are you. You’re both going to be miserable if you don’t accept this fact. Here’s the thing: When you do something wrong, you need to apologize. When they do, you need to forgive. The greatest test of forgiveness is that you don’t bring the issue up again. You can’t move forward always dwelling in the past. And neither of you can grow if you don’t put faith in one another becoming better people.

3. Getting poor advice

Everyone does not need to be in your marriage’s business. That’s Rule #1. But there are going to be times when you’ll need to vent and/or get some advice. Here are tips: try to keep both mothers out of it (they can’t help but be biased and can’t always let things go); talk to someone who has a positive outlook (negativity won’t do you a bit of good) and go to someone who has offered you pearls of wisdom before. A wise man once said “Complain to someone who can help you.” There’s a lot of maturity in that statement.

4. Always wanting to be right

People who always want to be right are people who have control issues and no marriage is healthy when two people want to run the show all of the time. When you’re having a discussion, it’s more important to work on coming to a resolve than being right. The first will bring peace. The second? Usually nothing more than tension. And that can lead to another disagreement altogether.

5. Talking when you're (physically) tired

If people got this one down, it could probably keep a lot of people out of divorce court! When you’re tired, it’s normal to be irritable. That can make you hypersensitive, snappy and not really the most compassionate in your delivery of words. So, if there’s something that needs to be talked about, but you know you need some sleep, take a nap first. A refreshed mind can handle pretty much anything. And avoid all of the drama.