Ways to Talk to Your Daughter About Body Shaming

Every day, we are bombarded with messages that tell us our bodies are wrong. We’re too fat or too thin. Our breasts are too big or too small or the wrong shape. We’re saggy here or wrinkled there but if you BUY this product or TRY this new cream then all our life problems will magically dissolve and poof we’ll be perfect! On top of the pressure placed on us in the media… we can be just as cruel to each other. Body shaming is a real thing. It hurts. It’s unhealthy. And, as women, it’s something we must fiercely fight against. All women, regardless their shape, size or color, deserve to feel confident and beautiful in their own skin. 

If you are a mother, you’re presented with an additional challenge. How do we raise a daughter with a healthy body image? I’m sure moms from all walks of life can agree that raising a daughter with a healthy sense of body is an important thing. So if, and when, outside forces try to cut her down, she can stand on her own confident two feet? This is a big, huge topic we could talk for hours on. But, to keep it short and simple we went directly to a great source. Maddy Jones, Editor at PLUS Model Magazine, plus size fashion industry trailblazer and mom to Madison Eladia, age 7. 

“Children are like sponges,” Jones says. “Not only do they listen and retain everything we say, but they also read our body language. In order to send the right message, we have to start with how we treat ourselves so they see and witness what it means to have a healthy relationship with our own body.”

Ok. Great. But, you probably want  some tips. On a practical level, how we can talk to our daughters about having a more positive relationship with our body to combat body shaming?  Here are three things to keep in mind.

1) Choose better words.
Instead of praising your daughter for being “pretty” shower her with praise for being smart, kind or other characteristics of who she IS and what she accomplishes not what she looks like. “Tell her that her actions are beautiful, the things that she does and how she conducts herself,” says Jones. 

For example:
Instead of: You are so pretty, you look really great. 
Try: Helping your friend was such a beautiful thing to do. Your kindness is so beautiful. 

2) Start with you. 

Talk to her by talking to yourself. Make sure the the things you say about YOUR body are positive and rooted in your capabilities. Make sure the things you say about OTHERS are rooted in the same value.  Bring her along for your process by getting her involved with your workouts and activities but always phrase things in a constructive light. “Instead of saying you’re too fat, or that you need to lose weight to be pretty try to replace them with accomplishment descriptors,” Jones encourages. Remember that you are a mirror for your daughter and she will pick up on the relationship that YOU have with YOUR body!

For example:
Instead of: Come talk a walk with me, I need to to lose weight, I feel gross. 
Try: Hey, come talk a walk with me so your mom can feel really strong and fit!

3) Diverse role models. 

Foster role models that are outside the traditional celebrity norm to encourage her to define her own sense of self on more than her looks. “It’s natural for your daughter to admire celebrities and entertainers,” Jones explains. “But it’s equally as important for her to look up to women who accomplish things and are making positive change. 

Try this: 
For every celebrity your daughter is interested in following on social media or talking about, help her research a woman based on her accomplishments. Women like Malala Yousafzai, Michelle Obama and Amelia Earhart. 

4) Remember that humor isn’t always healthy.
“It’s common in the Hispanic community for a chubby young girl to be nicknamed ‘gordita’ by her family members, which means ‘fatty.’ If your daughter is taught to accept these insults as the norm, how will she identify even more damaging body shaming if it comes from her peers?”  Jones explains. 
What does this mean? Think about the pet nicknames you give your daughter. Help her understand, right from the beginning, what is healthy and unhealthy dialogue. This will help her identify “meanspeak” when she hears it.

The main thing to keep in mind, is that there is no quick fix to raising a confident daughter. Your actions, and words, over time will help shape her into a self-aware woman who can, not only SEE body shaming when it happens around her, but also to dismiss it.