Why Do So Many Women Talk Shit About Their Friends Behind Their Backs?

Though woman-on-woman brawls make great reality television, we're pretty confident in saying the average woman doesn't actually enjoy picking fights with her friends. Strong, lasting relationships aren't built upon drama and pettiness. 

But — generally speaking — what's with the sexist stereotype of "catfights"? Why do so many women seem OK with throwing shade at each other even though they consider themselves friends? Wouldn't our energy be better spent building each other up and fighting for equality?

There are two main theories as to why many women talk so much shit about their friends behind their backs:

1. The patriarchy makes us this way.

One writer argues that women stab their friends in the back because we need to compete with each other for male attention, and male attention = success because the patriarchy runs our society. (Men ruin EVERYTHING, am I right?)

"When women can finally relegate beauty to a fun life expression, rather than a prerequisite of success, it might be safe to say that we will see less tension between our sisters," writes Juliette Frette in an essay for The Huffington Post. 

But do all fights stem from us being jealous that our friends are hotter (and therefore more successful) than us? We're not entirely convinced it's that simple. 

2. Men fight with their friends just as often as women, but they take it out in a less passive aggressive way.

Here's another theory on why backstabbing seems so common among women: We appear pettier than men because we inflict emotional pain when we have disagreements, as opposed to men, who just brawl it out. (This argument seems to hinge on the gender stereotypes that masculinity = physical aggressiveness and femininity = being emotional, but let's hear it out anyway.)

While male fights tend to be more physical, conflicts between women are much more indirect and usually stem from shifts in popularity and emotional intimacy within female friend groups, writes one psychologist.

Rather than taking out their anger or settling disagreements in physical fights, argues Dr. Terri Apter, girls use "alienating tactics" in conflicts like excluding others from play and gossiping, which make us seem like backstabbers.

So which is it — do we get in fights with our girlfriends because modern women prioritize success over everything, and success = being more attractive than our friends? Or do we seem meaner because we tear each other down emotionally, throwing shade instead of punches? Could it be something else entirely? Let's hear your theory!