When parents are trying to get their kids better adjusted to a “new normal”, sometimes they try and “force fun” onto them. Meaning, they make all of the plans of

what they will eat, watch and do without really taking the children’s thoughts and feelings into consideration. You want your kids to feel included and the best way to do

that is to ask them what they would like to bring into the holiday. Maybe there’s a particular movie they want to watch, dessert they want to help bake or

idea they have for decorating the table. The more included they feel, the more relaxed they’ll become.

Hopefully, there's a peaceful relationship between you, yours and the exes. But even if there’s not, your kids should never feel like they are caught in the middle. Let them

feel free to talk about their other parents and even encourage them to call and speak with them on Thanksgiving. Kids should never feel that their parents marrying someone else

means that they have to choose sides or apologize for missing their other parents when they’re not with them on special days.

A great way to get the kids more acclimated to being a part of a blended family is to come up with some new traditions. Maybe ask them to write

a song or poem that can be shared before eating. Maybe take them grocery shopping to select some of the ingredients that they need to prepare their own signature dish.

Or think about having a leftover sleepover the day after where everyone camps out in their PJs and eats their favorite Thanksgiving foods. The sky’s the limit. The point is to

come up with things that they don’t do anywhere else but your home. It will help them to create sentimental feelings and memories about their blended family.

Before you and your new spouse got together, your kids had a life with their original family. It’s important to remain sensitive to that. If there is something they want

to do that will make them feel more comfortable while being apart from their other parents, don’t discourage them. For instance, if they say “We always have homemade stuffing with cranberries

for Thanksgiving”, perhaps reply with “I might not make it as good as your mom does, but we can certainly try.” It will convey that you have a certain level

of respect for their other parents, and that’s a good thing.

It might surprise you to know that there are all sorts of benefits that come from cooking as a family. Studies indicate that the quality spent can improve communication skills,

reduce stress, increase self-esteem, teach life skills and also help to bring family members closer together. Just imagine how all of this can help to further solidify the bond that

you’re trying to create with your blended family.

Most importantly, children need space to grieve their parents’ divorce (this can come up the most during the holidays), adjust to being in a new space and process the new

role that you serve in their lives. This doesn’t happen immediately. It takes time. If they’re quiet, want to go to their room or are not as quick to warm

up to you, try not to take it personally. Empathy can go a long way when trying to get everyone used to their first holidays as a blended family. You’re

all together and that’s something to be really thankful for. Sit in that space of gratitude. Then gently, and patiently, build from there.