It might be uncomfortable to think about, but still…think about it. What is a grudge? Isn’t it kind of like holding an adult temper tantrum? Something doesn’t go the way

you wanted it to or you’re mad at something your spouse said, so you decide to give them the silent treatment, to hold onto the issue and not resolve it? Nothing

beneficial comes from this kind of passive aggressive power play. If something is bothering you, bring it to your spouse’s attention. That doesn’t mean you still won’t have some residual

“I didn’t appreciate that” feelings about the matter, but at least you’re being intentional about getting past it. Right?

A record number of marriages fail due to poor communication. Not listening. Over-talking one another. Holding feelings in. Not asking each other “What can I do to make the situation

better?” or “How can we avoid this happening the next time?” It’s not fair to think that your spouse won’t make more mistakes in the future (they will). But if

you’re willing to talk things out, it can help you to get past this present experience and better prepare you for how to handle matters moving forward.

OK. A good forgiver doesn’t only say “I forgive you.” A good forgiver also puts forth the effort to not bring up what they already forgave when something else happens

up the pike. Out of all of the things mentioned in this article, this is probably the one to remember the most. Forgiving someone is not just about pardoning the

offense (a dictionary definition of the word). It’s also about not making your spouse feel like they have to pay for it over and over and over again. That’s exactly

how you make them feel when you claim to have let something go, but you keep bringing it back up. Especially months or even years later.

Good forgivers acknowledge the problem. They don’t stay focused on nothing but the problem, though. Say that your husband forgot to pick up dinner and neither of you have grocery

shopped yet. Spending an hour arguing about how he always seems to forget your requests is not going to get anybody fed. What needs to be done now? Or, say

that you told him that you would pick up his sister from the airport, you overbooked yourself and her flight just landed. You could argue about that too, but at

this point, isn’t it more important to call her and say that a taxi or Uber is on your tab? These are minor instances, but the moral to the story

is this: When you’re more focused on the solution than the problem, it’s easier to work past the irritation, come together as a team and restore any potential breach of

trust.

We touched on this in the intro, but it really can’t be stressed enough. You didn’t marry Prince Charming. He’s a character in a fairy tale (look up the

href="http://www.dictionary.com/browse/fairy--tale?s=t" target="_blank">definition of that word sometime; it might surprise you). You married a man. A good man. A loving man. Also a human being with flaws. He’s going to make mistakes.

He’s going to disappoint you. Some days, he’s going to get on that very last inch of a nerve you have left. But if you make the decision that you

want to offer him what you want to receive in return (acceptance) that also makes the forgiving process so much easier to do. The focus shifts to “Will you ever get

this right?” to “You’re right for me, come better or worse.” And that? That puts you and yours in the position to be some pretty impressive forgivers. Congrats!