What do you want? If your answer is “a relationship,” that’s not being specific enough. No one is saying that you should compile a list that is a mile long. What

we are saying is that, at the very least, you should desire no less than what you are prepared to give. 

Sometimes we end up in confusing situations because we’re

not really clear about what are standards are. As a result, we kind of enter the dating scene with a “wing it” mentality which makes the relationship more confusing. 

If you

ultimately want an exclusive relationship, don’t be afraid to jot down what that looks like to you and to make those points clear after a few dates. You can do that by saying,

“You know, I’m not really looking to casually date. Eventually, I want something more significant than that.” 

If they stick around, cool. If they don’t? Well, you have spared yourself

a lot of time and potential heartache, which is what can happen when one person is thinking one thing and the other is thinking something entirely different.

Three dates is usually enough time to see if there is real potential or not. Just to be sure, our suggestion is to not go on the same type of dates

each time. Maybe, do dinner on the first date to see how the conversation goes. Then, do a concert on the second date to see if you both like the

same sorts of activities. The third date? Nothing with a lot of distractions. Perhaps a hike, a picnic or even hanging out in a coffee shop. 

A mistake that a

lot of people make is going on dates that have too many distractions for there to be any real connecting. After three dates with true quality time, decide if you

want to know more about the person or not. 

If you don’t, do a clean break or decide to just be friends. There should be no hard feelings, so long

as you both know that you were “dating with a purpose” from the get-go.

If you keep going back to the same person (or type of individual), this is another reason why you might be confused. Your ex? The hit-it-and-quit-it person? The one who

seems to ALWAYS be available when you’re bored or lonely? Dating the same people over and over is like running in a hamster wheel. Sure, there’s movement, but you’re not

really getting anywhere. Yeah, cut that out.

Oxytocin will have you out here thinking that good sex automatically means a great relationship. Not always is that the case. The way to avoid this type of confusion is to keep

your cookie in the jar. 

For how long? At least long enough to know that you and the person you’re seeing want the same things, outside of the bedroom, from

one another. 

Here's the deal. You’re not going to find that out in a couple of dates. Sometimes, we confuse ourselves by thinking that just because someone is sleeping with

us that they really and truly care about us. Avoid the drama by spending less time on a bed. Your cookie is super special. Make them earn it!

If someone wants to go out this coming weekend, but you didn’t really have fun last time, don't go just because you have nothing to do! That would be called settling. 

Devote that time

instead to really thinking about what you want your dating life to look like and then make your plans around that. If you really want something serious this year, put

your friends on notice, consider hiring a personal matchmaker, do some traveling (so that you can meet new people) and write down some questions to ask on your second date —

ones that will help you to really get to the nuts-and-bolts of a person. 

Sometimes, we’re confused in our dating life because we’re also confused about what we really want

overall. The clearer you get, the stronger you’ll become and the less you’ll want to settle.