This means: "I am going to show up at 3 AM after you have called every single neighbor within a three mile radius and the 911 dispatcher has blacklisted you."

This means: "You will find stuff in the dryer two days from now."

This means: "Jennifer's parents are out of town so we decided to throw a party with 18 different types of hard alcohol."

This means: "I broke my arm doing a jump without a helmet or shin pads. My skateboard is now two skateboards."

This means: "He started it by calling my latest Pokemon Go capture lame. Charzard isn't lame, right mom? Riiiight?!"

This means: "I am actively avoiding hearing the words you are saying so I have plausible deniability later."

This means: "I have just decided to try shrooms for the first time. I'll be home late (See no. 1 on this list for more info)." 

This means: "You are going to be freaking out about me being pregnant until we break up two weeks from now."

This mean: "I will copy Sheila's homework during first period tomorrow.'

This means: "The house has been trashed in a freak party tornado. I am so grounded when you get back."