Because you know, company policies only matter when a man is saying it.

Warning: someone will most likely take credit for your idea anyways.

Remember to add 4-5 smiley faces per email. 2-3 may seem mean. Adding none is just downright THREATENING. 

Just when you thought this pettiness ended in high school.

You should add awkwardly laughing your way out of every conversation to your resume. 

Please continue to talk to me like I haven't worked here for years.

While you're at it, make your voice extra high pitched at the end of every sentence so it seems like you're questioning everything.

SLOW IT DOWN! Don't wanna offend anyone.

Life hack: start bringing a fake mustache to work.