Last time you went to the club you almost had to call an Uber just to get back to the car. But now you know that next time, you had

better post your ass up somewhere, whether it be at the bar or against the wall in the back.

Don’t risk a fall in your way-too-high heels because you’re trying

to look cute. #WeGetIt

Okay, so these kids are laughing at sh*t that’s not funny, their dance moves are not creative in the least, and if that youngin’ rolls her eyes at you one

more time, you’ve already decided that you’ll walk over to her and roll them for her.

Shouldn’t somebody be babysitting these kids? Where are their mamas? 

You used to get to the club by midnight, but now you’re ready to dip by midnight.

You’re ready to leave the scene as soon as it starts jumping, which

is smart since you need to haul ass to your bed so that you can proceed to adult the next day.

You’re getting ready to head out, but your kid is harassing you, explaining that you should be at home baking cookies rather than pre-gaming. Have you really become that parent? 

So, they lured you to the club with the ‘Ladies Free Until Midnight’ trope, huh?

By the time you get to the front of the line, the bouncers have become

a real pain, hitting you with a $20 charge.

 F*ck out of here. 

By the time you get home, you’re sprinting off to tie your scarf on and rushing to peel your sweaty clothes off so that you can jump in your bed

and call it a night.

You already know that the next morning won’t be a breeze courtesy of the combination of Alize and your recent hormonal changes.

The only way you’ll be really hyped to kick it with your girls tonight at the club they’ve been trying to get you to go for the longest, is if

they’re serving some variation of hot wings and chips and dip.

If you hit the club up and realize that you haven’t heard of half of the songs that the DJ is playing, then your style may be a little dated.

If you hit the club up and realize that the bouncers almost didn’t let you in because what you wore didn’t match the dress code, then your style may be

a little tired.

Don’t fret, sis. It just may be time to go back to the drawing board or find a spot that appreciates your threads.

These kids don’t know how to hold their liquor and it’s incredibly annoying. Back in the day, when you and your crew partied in the club, you weren’t as obnoxious

as this younger generation.

Or were you?

I think we all will soon come to the realization that the club just ain’t what it used to be. From mumble rap to you having to be on the

lookout in case a fight breaks out, you’ve simply realized that you’d rather spend your time cuddled on your couch with a gallon of ice cream and your remote at

your fingertips.