On a record-hot July day in 2016, a huge pile of horse manure spontaneously caught fire in upstate New York. The local kids promptly placed the poop on their school principal's

doorstep. 

Fecal vomiting is the symptom of chronic constipation, where the half formed poop goes up, instead of down. We have heard of sh*t talking, but this is ridiculous.  

Poop is made up of: 75% water, 20% bacteria, 5% other. This is also known as the Number 4, at Taco Bell.  

There are minuscule amounts of precious metals in every poop. If you put all that poop together it really adds up. One estimate calculated that the crap of one million Americans, may contain $13 million

in valuable metal. There's gold in them there turds! 

"If you don’t eat, you can still still poop. This is because the body produces secretions, juices from the pancreas, intestinal lining bile and gastric juices. When all those juices are mixed together they produce the liquid stool that empties

from the small bowel into the colon." This according to Gastroenterologist, Urvish Shah. That sounds like one sh*tty cocktail.  

96 bags to be exact. Astronauts needed room in the lunar module before returning to earth and leaving the waste behind made the most sense. I'm sure visiting aliens are endlessly frustrated when they

visit  and have erected, "Please, pick up after your human", signs. 

For severe gastric diseases sometimes the only hope is a fecal transplant. Donate your poop today. 

Apparently, sh*t plants were very common in the 1930s, a time when train travel popularity was at its peak. Human waste was thrown from the carriage to the tracks below. I guess watermelon was popular back

then too. 

The Omniprocessor: a machine that takes human waste, extracts water, and sanitizes it to be used for drinking and  power electricity, is in development right now. It has Bill Gates' backing and

he is rumored to have created the software for this, calling it, Windows Duce.

Belphegor, the Judeo-Christian demon of discoveries, inventions, and laziness, is always depicted sitting on a toilet, groaning. Sounds like my Uncle Bob. 

If you have ever lit a match in your bathroom after a marathon poop session, you will know how combustible poop vapors can be. Now, just imagine "poop gas" fueling your vehicle

and you have the future of power.