Some people are used to being selfish. It’s not a justification, it’s simply the truth. Since, by definition, a selfish person only (well, mostly) thinks about themselves, don’t think that

your man is going to be so in tune with your feelings that he’ll know to pick up on signs that you’re not happy. You may need to say to

him “Listen, we need to talk.” If he’s selfish but cares about you, he’ll listen. If he brushes you off, he’s not only selfish. He’s a jerk. In that case,

read on to point #2.

If you’re not familiar with Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, they are authors of books on boundaries. Listen, just because you love someone, that doesn’t mean that they

have the right to walk all over you. If you’re dating a man who’s selfish, you should be really honest about if it’s worth it. If you’re married, check out

Boundaries in Marriage. It shows you how to co-exist while still having a voice and encouraging your man to make some compromises.

A great quote on love is by an author named Leo Buscaglia: “As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a

love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true

love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.”

You’re not doing your man ANY favors by giving him a selfishness pass. It’s basically like sending him the message that it’s

OK to be self-absorbed, arrogant and a taker more than a giver. It’s not. Being in love is not just about having butterflies in your stomach. It’s also about two

people becoming better individuals. When he’s being selfish, lovingly call him out, but call him out nonetheless. If he’s with you, he should be becoming a better person. That only

comes if and when you challenge him.

It’s a HUGE misconception to think that if you give him more, he’ll finally get the hint. Selfish people are like black holes; you can never do enough. That said,

don’t do his part, just yours. This point falls in the emotional, financial and even sexual department. If you find yourself constantly overcompensating for where he lacks, you’re doing neither

one of you any good. Trying to “kill him with kindness” may end up destroying you in the process. Avoid that at all costs.

Your relationship has a lot of influence on you. If you’re not careful, you’ll start to think that you’re the one who’s crazy for having needs. You’re not. Whatever is

required for you to feel valued and appreciated, don’t compromise on that. You only find yourself bending over backwards when your bar is too low, and you shouldn’t have to

be an emotional contortionist just to make things work. If it gets too bad, insist on seeing a relationships coach or counselor. You’re worth being treated right. You’re worth a

man who recognizes the importance of not being so selfish.